I have spent the last few days thinking very hard about all that I said in my last blog. The Love Dare did not exactly give me the husband that love and adores me with every breath he takes.
Let me put it like this. I think that what the dare gave me was little taste of what God must feel like. He created us and gave us very simple guide lines. We failed and turned away. God said okay, but I will wait for you. And He waited. Then he finally said I will come down there and show you. Enter Jesus. He spent his whole life guiding and leading be example. And in the end when we denied him he out stretched his arms and gave the very last thing he had for us, his life. I spent forty days trying to put my husband first. His needs and his desires. In the process he ignored. Didn't notice and I kept trying to show him.
Did he get it? I am not sure it has sunk in yet. I have told him about the Dare and all that it entailed. However, I think it will take him a little time to process. I learned from the Dare that you never give up on love. You just give more. We just keep trying. There will be good days when the doors we knock on are answered, and bad days when they wont open at all. But just as God continually waits for us , we must wait for those we love.
On a lighter note, we are trying to potty train Max. It isn't even lunch and he is on his fourth pair of pants!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
St. Valentine's Day
St. Valentine's Day brought with it the conclusion to the Love Dare. I am not going to sugar coat this. The last two days were very hard. My husband scheduled himself to work both days. This made it hard for me to get too excited about anything.
Saturday I got home at 7 and had dinner, bathed the children, did the dishes, swept and mopped, folded and put away laundry. All this while my husband proceeded to fall asleep on the couch with Max. Max I picked up and gingerly placed in his bed. My husband I didn't even attempt to move or wake. I simply covered him over with the spare quilt.
Now I am all for serving my family and husband, but I have a very difficult time dealing with do it all while he is oblivious to my efforts. I get lonely and tired. The dare for Saturday was to write a letter of re commitment to our relationship and marriage. So after all the chores were done I sat down with pen and paper and I tried to write this letter. It took a while. I had to remind myself to be positive, to not be condemning. I spent most of the letter reflecting on all the dares had asked of me and how I had struggled with them. I wrote about how I knew that all those would make us stronger. What I really wanted to write was about where he could shove the letter. But that would not have been very christian. I left the letter on the kitchen table for him in the morning.
Sunday's final dare asked that we consider renewing our vows. Since I was once agian alone with the children, I was feeling rather discouraged. I didn't feel like even talking to him let alone renewing our vows. I made a hand-made card for him and I spoke of my hope that this year for our 10th anniversary that we might do that. I think that it would be awesome to go to church and before God and our family and friends reiterate our feelings for each other and follow it by a pot-luck picnic. It would make for a beautiful spring day.
My husband was receptive to the idea, but not nearly as enthused as I. He did bring home some beautiful flowers for me and seemed more engaged with the family last night.
As an aspiring supermom, I want to pose these questions. How much should we tolerate? How many times do we ignore their short comings and pick-up their slack to remain sane? How many apologies that we know they are just saying do we accept only to find nothing will change? And if we are not to complain about them, if we are to overlook what they don't do and we have to, if we are to only say positive things, how do we stay sane? How do we not explode with frustration? How does a supermom be a superwife without losing herself?
Saturday I got home at 7 and had dinner, bathed the children, did the dishes, swept and mopped, folded and put away laundry. All this while my husband proceeded to fall asleep on the couch with Max. Max I picked up and gingerly placed in his bed. My husband I didn't even attempt to move or wake. I simply covered him over with the spare quilt.
Now I am all for serving my family and husband, but I have a very difficult time dealing with do it all while he is oblivious to my efforts. I get lonely and tired. The dare for Saturday was to write a letter of re commitment to our relationship and marriage. So after all the chores were done I sat down with pen and paper and I tried to write this letter. It took a while. I had to remind myself to be positive, to not be condemning. I spent most of the letter reflecting on all the dares had asked of me and how I had struggled with them. I wrote about how I knew that all those would make us stronger. What I really wanted to write was about where he could shove the letter. But that would not have been very christian. I left the letter on the kitchen table for him in the morning.
Sunday's final dare asked that we consider renewing our vows. Since I was once agian alone with the children, I was feeling rather discouraged. I didn't feel like even talking to him let alone renewing our vows. I made a hand-made card for him and I spoke of my hope that this year for our 10th anniversary that we might do that. I think that it would be awesome to go to church and before God and our family and friends reiterate our feelings for each other and follow it by a pot-luck picnic. It would make for a beautiful spring day.
My husband was receptive to the idea, but not nearly as enthused as I. He did bring home some beautiful flowers for me and seemed more engaged with the family last night.
As an aspiring supermom, I want to pose these questions. How much should we tolerate? How many times do we ignore their short comings and pick-up their slack to remain sane? How many apologies that we know they are just saying do we accept only to find nothing will change? And if we are not to complain about them, if we are to overlook what they don't do and we have to, if we are to only say positive things, how do we stay sane? How do we not explode with frustration? How does a supermom be a superwife without losing herself?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Nearing the finish line
The Love Dare is almost at an end. I can honestly say that I will be relieved. Not that I haven't enjoyed it, but it was one more thing each day. It was a few pages of reading and of course the time it took to do the dare after laboring over how the dare would be best served. I did appreciate the time I took to spend on my marriage and spiritual growth everyday. I do feel that I have grown because of it and so has my marriage.
This last week was difficult. I had a lot going on with the big fund raiser at school and I was very stressed. I also was awaiting my monthly "friend". Since I do NFP I knew when to expect it and it was a day or so late. The cramps started on time for a few days , followed by three days of light spotting and continued cramping and finally yesterday evening my visitor arrived. I really don't know why it came like this. I am usually very predicable. It made me a very tired and cranky person, prone to easily crying.
I even felt the need to tearfully apologize to my husband one evening. He took it rather well and was supportive. I might add that I Do Not apologize well, and I Do Not admit my faults to other people. I prefer to pretend that they don't exist.
I would like to say that this week will slow down, but I would be lying. I had an utter and complete melt down on Monday when I was feeling the full stress of little sleep and hormone misalignment. And the next few days consist of girl's night, mom's group, teaching at school, Dr. apt., Valentine festival, girl's club, Wrestling regionals, and everything I would normally do in my everyday life.
Perhaps I can summon the powers of all female superheros and become an even better Supermom. I will simply remind myself that I do it all for my children and God. And one day they will appreciate that I did those things and perhaps it will influence their future.
Ps hear are some of my f
avorite pics:
This last week was difficult. I had a lot going on with the big fund raiser at school and I was very stressed. I also was awaiting my monthly "friend". Since I do NFP I knew when to expect it and it was a day or so late. The cramps started on time for a few days , followed by three days of light spotting and continued cramping and finally yesterday evening my visitor arrived. I really don't know why it came like this. I am usually very predicable. It made me a very tired and cranky person, prone to easily crying.
I even felt the need to tearfully apologize to my husband one evening. He took it rather well and was supportive. I might add that I Do Not apologize well, and I Do Not admit my faults to other people. I prefer to pretend that they don't exist.
I would like to say that this week will slow down, but I would be lying. I had an utter and complete melt down on Monday when I was feeling the full stress of little sleep and hormone misalignment. And the next few days consist of girl's night, mom's group, teaching at school, Dr. apt., Valentine festival, girl's club, Wrestling regionals, and everything I would normally do in my everyday life.
Perhaps I can summon the powers of all female superheros and become an even better Supermom. I will simply remind myself that I do it all for my children and God. And one day they will appreciate that I did those things and perhaps it will influence their future.
Ps hear are some of my f
avorite pics:
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
the Dare continues
I am on day 29 of the Love Dare. I can say that things are good. Some days it is hard to get to and I spend the following day playing catch up. Today I am to pray for my husband before I see him agian. I am to show my love in some tangible way and later thank God for the gift of my husband.
I will pray for God to strengthen my husbands resolve for his work and weight loss efforts. He has so far lost 16lbs. in two weeks. It is an amazing start. I have never seen him be so serious about it before. I am very proud.
Over all the dare is making me more aware of how I treat him and our children. It is a daily reminder that I am working to be a better person not for my sake, but for them and for the glory of God. To be anything less than what God intended is to fall short of greatness and to insult the creator.
As I said earlier this week, it is busy so I will keep this short. God Bless, Supermom
I will pray for God to strengthen my husbands resolve for his work and weight loss efforts. He has so far lost 16lbs. in two weeks. It is an amazing start. I have never seen him be so serious about it before. I am very proud.
Over all the dare is making me more aware of how I treat him and our children. It is a daily reminder that I am working to be a better person not for my sake, but for them and for the glory of God. To be anything less than what God intended is to fall short of greatness and to insult the creator.
As I said earlier this week, it is busy so I will keep this short. God Bless, Supermom
Monday, February 1, 2010
troopers
Have you ever been called a "good trooper"? I believe this to be a great compliment. I think that it says a lot about you. It says;
I also will be meeting this evening with the village board to try to get permits for th "Run For the Unborn". This will be my biggest challenge yet. I think that when I get my permits, I just might have a party.
To top off the day I will be going to my midwife for my annual "fun" visit. I don't believe that any women need further clarification on this. It has occured to me that I can no longer take my husband along for support. He in the past has joined in my "fun" since I thought it only fair. Besides he felt it was "no big deal". I feel that if my pants are coming off it is a very big deal. We just have too many little charges to be able to find someone to take all of them while we attend the visit.
- you work hard
- you are always willing to help
- you do good work
- you are self motivated
- I can always count on you
- and of course, I am so glad you do not know how to say no!
I also will be meeting this evening with the village board to try to get permits for th "Run For the Unborn". This will be my biggest challenge yet. I think that when I get my permits, I just might have a party.
To top off the day I will be going to my midwife for my annual "fun" visit. I don't believe that any women need further clarification on this. It has occured to me that I can no longer take my husband along for support. He in the past has joined in my "fun" since I thought it only fair. Besides he felt it was "no big deal". I feel that if my pants are coming off it is a very big deal. We just have too many little charges to be able to find someone to take all of them while we attend the visit.
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