Getting my Bearings

I have spent a lot of time working on sorting out race stuff.  And I am starting to find my house agian.  I have a girlfriend coming for the weekend.  That puts a little pressure on me.  Not only do I have to wrap up the race, but I need to clean the house.  I have to do all those things that I was putting off during the final weeks of race prep. 

This morning I tackled my bedroom, the kids' room and the bathroom.  That leaves the Kitchen and llivingroom to do this afternoon and evening as well as the shopping.  I can do that all , can't I?  Well I will give it my best shot.  I should have a little time tomorrow after I am done teaching to do some touch up cleaning before she arrives.

Once she gets here though the hubby and the three older children are going to stay at the in-laws.  Then I should be able to relax and just visit.   I hope....

Here are some picts. from the race.

Still standing

I just want ot say that I am still here.  Perhaps a little worse for wear and certainly short of sleep, but here I am.  Race weekend came and went.  The race went off ok.  Last year was hard to follow.  I will give you more details in the days to come.  For now just know that all is well.  And a lot has been learned.  And next year will be even better.

Poverty's Price

I know it is late and I should be going to bed.  But, I just have to vent.  I put the race on Facebook about three months ago.  I invited all the "friends" we had.  ( I just want to note here that by we I me my hubby, I don't have a facebook account).  I thought that it would be a great way to spread the word about the race.  There are  six people who have responded that they are coming.  18 who are not, and 98 who have yet to respond. 

I am angered by the lukewarmness of the world. 

I got an invite for a fundraiser for my hubby's cousin's sister-in-law.  She has stage IV cancer.  From what I hear it is terminal.   She is 35 and has two daughters.  This is sad.   The invite was posted on Monday and there are already 24 people who responded.

We also got an invite for my hubby's cousin being inducted into the local highschool's hall of fame.  That invite was posted last Thursday and already has 14 guests. 

What does this tell us.  Well, it tells me that people are afraid to stand up for the greatest injustices in the world.  People are afraid of what others may think of their morals.  People have a very sad idea of what truth and evil are and how we should deal with each. 

I am even more upset by the fact that I want to put some "writing on the wall"  about my disappointment in our so called "friends".  I want very clearly call their attention to the lack of moral fiber of society.  Perhaps just remind them that every woman is faced with the same fears when she finds she is pregnant and that the support around her is what makes all the difference.  Perhaps their mothers would have or could have chosen differently and then they would not be here at all! 

There used to be a time and a place where people had common beliefs and they were united by natural law.  Now I am afraid that the law has not changed, but that people refuse to acknowledge it.  I did  post a comment about the great work that pregnancy help centers do and how you could honor your mother by registering to participate.  Will it do any good?  

People are willing handing thier children over to be slaughtered!  Other people know that this atrocity is happening and do nothing.  Sounds a lot like Germans who allowed Nazis to build concentration camps.  Yet it seems even more evil than that.  We have made it legal.  We have given those proceedures sterile names.  We have dehumanized the baby in the womb and we have perfected the murdering process over years and years.  We ALL know about the killing and most of us do nothing!

As Mother Theresa said," It is the ultimate poverty to decide that a baby should die so you may live as you wish!" 
A  great poverty indeed!

warning

I signed Lily-bug up for Dance last week.  Religious ed is in full swing, and Abigail declined dance to take up vollyball.  All really great things, but with the race looming and the work trip in just a few days.  I am not sure when I will have time to write again.  So you are warned. 

As a matter of fact the X-man, who has been working on a cough and started with a runny noise today, has gumms that look as though they are going to burst, is presently screaming his objections to not being removed from his crib fast enough.  Time presses on and life is anything but dull.  I would not mind dull.  Dull with long naps?  Is that in my future soon? 

Any way  you have been warned!  Until next time.

I did it!

I did it, I let him back in.  I was tired of being alone.  That is not why I got married.  Let's face it I do love the hubby.  I don't always like him, but I do love him.  I just have to make sure that we never go down that road again if we can help it.

I have also decided that perhaps I should write a book.  Well several actually.  The first should be "Ladies in Waiting for Knights Under Fire- reflections for waiting for Prince Charming'.  This book will touch a lot on why my hubby and I fight.  The demasculinazation of society.  Heavy topic no one wants to talk about.  Mainly because if they acknowledge that it exsists than they have to deal with it.  The second book,  Peeing in Peace- a mothers devotional.  This will contain many short reflections perfect for the restroom pit stop to send you back to the greatest job refreshed and refocused.

I also did something else.  I put away the fans.  You know what that means.  Well, a  couple of things.  1. summer is over. and 2. it will get hot at least one more time to the point that the fans would be helpful.  This is "murphy's law".  However, the feel of extra space and less clutter no matter how small the space gained is, is a good feeling.

sitting idle

I have spent a good part of the day on the computer, checking emails, sending emails, doing research, and trying to get a few more booths for the Life Fair at the race.  I think that I have been successful, but I am really not sure yet.  Time will tell. 

We made it to Mass this morning, albeit to late to go to communion, but it must count for something.  Then the library club where Max behaved relatively well and finally home agian.  We walked all the way.  Oh, and we dropped off the insurance papers for the race at the village hall. 

When I finally took a break I sat and hemmed a pair of pants that I bought back in June.  they were $65 pants on clearance for $9.  They were great except for the length.  Well, not any more.  Perhaps I will wear them tomorrow. 

Friday I am suppost to teach all day.  One of the teachers has to leave at noon.  I am sure that I can handle this.  Parent  meeting tonight at school.  This doesn't count as a date with the hubby, does it?  Not to fear I am certainly not sitting idle .  Well I am off to change a daiper and walkto pick up the girls.    Despite how busy I am , I am feeling blessed.  And when I doubt that I just look down at the little man learning to walk as he grins with accomplishment.

Life goes on

That last blog was utterly depressing, true-- but depressing just the same.   There have been a few good things that have come from not talking to my hubby for almost a week.  Life has been a little less complicated around here.  When I don't have to consult him, the decision is all mine.  I don't have to fight for the blankets or listen to the snoring.  On Friday it started to get to him.  He made an attempt to apologize.  For anyone listening (or reading) this is how not to apologize.  " I am sorry it got to that point".  I said me to and continued to not speak to him. 

On Saturday he was off all day.  This was what really got him.  He didn't mind a couple hours of silince in the evening, but an entire day was too much.  By 5 in the evening he apologized in a much more sincere manner.  We talked a little.  He is still on the couch, but we are talking.

The Xman is teething horribly.  I had to go but him more Ibuprofen yesterday.  I have not been feeling very well all week.  Just not right.  A little nauseus, weak and tired.  Don't jump to conclusion, I do wish the answer was that I was pregnant, but I am not.  I have another few ideas as to what might be causing it, but right now I think that it would be TMI for this sort of venue.  Oh and the Xman started to walk on his own.  This was Friday, he just started letting go of furniture and cautously walking across the room.  I have seen him take as many as twelve steps at once.  It is amazing!  Hopefully this will renew your faith in my blog.  Not all is lost and life still goes on.  The fact remains that if you pick yourself up and keeping moving toward the desired destination than you can still be successful no matter how many times you fall.  ( this is especially true in marriage.)  

If I could take it all back!

I sat in Mass on Sunday listening to the priest talk about forgiveness.  You all know the story of the servant who is forgiven and in turn does not forgive.  The Father than says you should forgive 70 x 7.  There was a gentleman sitting in front of us that had long hair pulled back in  a pony tail.   It reminded me of a boy I dated in highschool.  I began to wonder what would my life have been like if I had married him.  I would have not been there in church, next to four beautiful children and a my husband.  This other man was not religious at all.  By the end of Mass I was quite thankful for life being the way it is.  I am certain my soul would have been lost with the other.

That is where my day started and somehow by the end of the day I was not even close to that moment.  I found myself lost, in need of forgivness and in need of forgiving, but all to angry and hurt to do any of it.  The hubby and I had a sort of "falling out".  I will not go into details.  I will simply say that if we had been dating I would never go out with him agian.  If we were married without any children I would have packed my bags and left.  Yes, it was that bad!  Because we have kiddos, I am tolerating him.  We speak politly around the children ,otherwise not at all.  And he has been keeping the couch warm at night.  I am still lost.  I don't know what to say and he isn't trying to say anything.  What does that mean? 

I want to say I wish I could go back, but I don't.   That other man would have killed my faith, moved me from my family and maybe given me no children at all.  I love my husband.  The one I married.  I am not so sure that the one I am living with is the same one.   

On a lighter note.  It is very liberating to walk the children a block to meet Nana to ride to school in my pjs, since there simply isn't time to dress everyone else and myself.  What do those other people  who pass by on their way to work think of that poor lady with all those kids, standing on the corner?  Perhaps some of them are jealous they are rushing and we are together talking about the day to come.  Should I add a cape to my pjs?

Oh where oh where, can my shower be?

I sent the girls off to their first day of school.  Just me and the boys.  Why should that be so hard?  It is rather mellow and I am finding the mellowness leaves a lack of focus.  The real problem will be getting timing down agian.  For example who will watch the boys while I shower?

Yes, that is right I have yet to do that today.  I have done other things like two loads of laundry, dressed the boys, Xman twice.  worked out and found a cookie recipe to use for lunches.  Checked my email. Purt away laundry and started some more.  But that is it.  Not much to speak of.  And now someone want to have lunch!  

Perhaps if I send him outside while I make lunch , feed them both , nurse the baby , read some books and than a video while baby naps, I might find a shower.

Catch up, yet agian.

We have been very busy this summer.  Nothing serious, just lots of little things.  We have had swim lessons, library program, the family vacation, surgery, broken arm, and broken pinky, pink eye-twice, camp for Abby, softball for the hubby, family get togethers and now we have had whopping cough (which means antibiotics for everyone)!

I have to admidt that looking back over it all I am truly blessed.  Everyone is fairly healthy and nothing was so terrible we couldn't work through it.  However, it has kept me busy with chasing and Dr. appointments.  This has left very little time to blog.  I have missed it.    There has been so much time lost that I am afraid that we must just move forward and not dwell on the past. 

Abby is the one with the whooping cough, and yes she has had all her vacinations.  This is why we were lucky and didn't have to spend any time in the hospital.  We did have 5 days of isolation and a cough that could continue for up to 100 days. 

Work on the race is well underway and keeping me on my toes.  Have to go for now and I will try not to be gone for so long next time.

cupcakes

I think that I may have mentioned that my sister-in-law commisioned me to make nursery rhyme cupcakes for a baby shower she was helping to give.  The shower was the day before we left for Denver.  It was a little hectic, but I did get all three dozen done and I was pleased with how they turned out.  I dare say that I enjoyed the challenge.  Here I have included some pictures of the cupcakes and descriptions of them for your enjoyment. 

"four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie"  Chocolate cake with dark chocolate buttercreme.

"Humpty- Dumpty sat on a wall"  Vanilla with vanilla buttercreme, humpty is a cookie.

"Hickory-Dickory Dock"  redvelvet with cream cheese frosting. agian the clock is a cookie.

Nothing like a cupcake to make you really feel like Supermom.

I will get back to tales of the trip next time.  I downloaded the photos.  I think that my sister has some I would like to get as well.  I have also started back on race planning.   Three months and counting and much to be done.  It is definetly goning better than last year.  Yesterday I got registration up and running, and also got a Road ID sponsorship.  I have filled out the paperwork for my permit and just have to send it in. Thanks to my sister the database from last year is almost complete.  It helps to have someone who really knows her way around a spreadsheet.  Once complete we will be able to send out mass emailings about this year.  Progress is under way.

Road trip

Well , We did it!  And, yes we are all still alive to tell about it.  Some of us are a little worse for wear and have the battle wounds to prove it, but overall we did well driving to Denver and back.  Oh and are there stories.  Let's start with just he mishaps of the 18 hour drive out there. 

We drove straight through hoping that the children would sleep through the night and my sister, the hubby and I could take shifts driving and sleeping.  Not at the same time .  It was a lot better than we all thought it would be and we all were in pretty good spirits.

Iowa was not very friendly though.  We somehow took a wrong turn.  We did eventually get back on track but not before hitting and killing a bird ( I do remember in driver's ed the instructor saying that the chance of hitting a bird is extremely low.  I think he lied. )  and having a semi, who swerved for a windturbine peice threw a rock and chipped the windshield.  Don't ask why, but I just found all of this rather comical. 

Nebraska was wet!  Which would not have been a problem except that the bird damaged the wiper blades, high winds and an unbelievable lightning show.  The blade we replaced with an extra that we happened to bring along.  And the lightning wouldn't have been problematic though it had a strobe effect and made our eyes feel a little buggy. 

We made it though , a little tired and ready to explore.  I will leave it here.  Hopefully, next time I will have the photos to help tell the rest of the story.  till then.

ALONE

That's right,  at this very moment I am all alone.  The hubby came home and took all the children with him for a walk/workout.  What is a girl to do.  Well.....

I went to the restroom with out anyone banging on the door.
I started to wash the clothe daipers.
I made myself a mug of sipping chocolate (that is what 55 degree weather in June makes you want).
I checked my email and facebook.
And now I am blogging. 

I should probably be sleeping.  There was not too much of that last night.   The X-man didn't sleep well and I vaguelly remember waking up and my hip hurting.  I really don't know what that is all about.  It doesn't seem to be bothering my now, but I do have a bruise there.  Perhaps it was some wild Supermom dream.

I spent the morning trying to get my baring and accomplish something, anything.  We ended up collecting three garbage bags of things for goodwill.  We collected all the Easter Decor. and we baked red velvet cupcakes with homemade banana cream frosting.  It really was an experiment  for the cupcakes I will be making and decorating next week for my sister-in-law.  I thought that they were quite good and the paring was nice.  My mother doesn't agree, but what does she know about cupcakes anyway .  I am not sure if I will use them or not.  I guess I have to test another half dozen or so. 

This afternoon we tackled the cemetary and it's monster weeds.  Great Gram did have the worst looking plot when we arrived and by the time we left,  I dare say one of the best.    I am going to leave it there for now.  We have big plans for tomorrow, breakfast at the farm early, and graduation party in the evening. I must keep my strength up.

Since the ground fell out

Since the ground fell out, I have been feeling a little drained and tired.  I have been tredding water and trying despirately to keep my head above the water.  Today I think that I started to get my footing back.

X-man behaved a little better.  Not so needy, slept from 10 until 4 this am.  He has not had tylenol and has seemed rather content.  I would not say that he is 100 percent yet, but I do think that he is well on his way.  The bruising is starting to fade alittle too. 

I had to get out ofthe house.  With the kids home it just seems that I am cleaning and recleaning constantly.  We made birthday cards for Great-Grandpa (he turns 81 Monday) and then loaded up the laundry, packed some sandwiches and set out for my Mom's.  We hung out the laundry.  Took a walk to the post office, only to find that it was closed for the noon hour.  That is one way you know for sure you live in a small town.  We just guessed how many stamps to put on Gr-Gramps cards and dropped them in the slot ( All the kids made their own and put them together in one large envelope).  Went back to Mom's for lunch and weeded the back garden and all the others that had been previously cleaned out and planted three weeks ago.  She just has too many to do all at once.  We ran some errands and got some more plants, and a few groceries.  Returned to plant the garden and took my laundry down.

For dinner I cooked pasta with some crusty bread.  I had hoped to bake my bread fresh, but had to settle for store bought.  I do feel as though I accomplished something.  At least there is one more garden planted and all the others have been maintained.  The children played outside and had a lovely walk, and we had a home cooked meal. 

Perhaps tomorrow I will tackle the last garden, plant at the cemetary (both Gr. Grams and my brother's need a little sprucing up) and fill out the parade permit for the race this year.  I would also like to get lists made for out trip to Denver.  There is only a week and a day before we leave.  Four kids and 17 hours of driving requires a little preparation.  Well enough for now.  Supermom is feeling as though if I talk to much more about what needs to be done that I will never get started. 

Just when I was catching my breath.

Let me tell you that on Friday, after a week of things going pretty well I felt as though ground had opened up right under my feet and swallow me .

Let me back track just a little.  The surgery went well and biopsy came back noncancerous. ( This we found out on Thursday.)  The plastic surgeon said we should give Abby's chin another 7 months to heal before we talk about surgery ( yeah!).  X-man was released from the GI's care on the count of him gaining some wieght and I don't have to be quite as aggressive with the feeding.  I gave my hubby the quilt, which he loved and we have even been able to use a couple of times, nice weather for May!  And he did spend most of the night after the surgery under it.  I had an eye doctor appointment.  All in all things seemed to be begininng to calm down.  As a matter of fact we planned to camp out in the new tent in the in-law's yard.

I got back from the eye doctor and picked up the rest of the family, the hubby had gathered the necessities, I had grocery shopped , and we loaded the car.  We got to the in-laws and began to unload.  Started to make dinner and the hubby started to deciphor the tent instructions.  Then the heavens came crashing down. 

The six year old picked up the crying baby and he quieted.  She was out the door before I could say anything and the next moment blood curtling screaming, Lily sobbing hysterically, and my hubby yelling thunderously.  Lily had tripped and fell with the X-man on the cement patio!  My hubby did not see it, but said that it sounded like someone threw a melon on the cement.  The Xman's head began to swell, Lily's elbows were bleeding and the hubby was angrier then I can ever remember seeing him.  Remarkably, I was calm.  I got ice.  I checked his pupils.  I assesed the lump and comforted Lily who was frantic.  ( it really could have happened to anyone of us including the hubby).  I called a family friend whois a pediatrician and got some advice.  An EMT,who lives down the street came over to look at X.  She said to take him in.  So off the the ER we went, I had to drive the hubby was too angry to see straight, still.  Any way, X is okay.  He has headaches, he has swelling, and he has to be watched very carefully for the next 6 days. 


Here is the quilt on our bed.  Yesterday I used the left over fabric to recover throw pillows to match.  Only cost me my time.  The quilt can also fit with the stripes vertical.





X before the fall.  His head is a little large and not as perfectly round. and he doesn't smile like this quite as much now.

 I guess I was fine until the next morning when I hadn't slept a wink.  (we had to wake him up every two hours, but he was up amost all night anyway)  I think it was at that point when I realized how lucky we were,  how fragile we are and how close we came to great tragedy.  I cried.  It is exhausting being strong for everyone else and I had been doing it for weeks.  The fall was just the final straw.  I just want to sit home and hold my kids and not talk to anyone.  May be not even the hubby, but I guess I have to let him in.

Catch-up, Agian!

I feel like all I do these days is play catch-up.  But we have been very busy with end of the school year stuff.  Not to mention Dr. appointments. 

X-man is now up to 13lbs.  This is not with out a lot of work.  The GI doc has me nursing 6-7 times a day 20-30 min. each time.  He also gets formula mixed xtra strong with cereal( he refuses the bottle) three times a day.  So that comes out to about every two hours during the day and up twice at night.  What we won't do for our children.

The hubby's surgery will be on Wed.  The surgeon switched days on us.  He also changed it from a local anestic to complete sedation.  Oh, and it will be at the hospital, instead of the clinic.  Down side is that Abby's b-day and our 11th anniversary is on Thursday.  How fast will he recover?

I spent most of last week working on his gift.  I made him a good old fashioned patchwork quilt.  He said around Christmas that he wanted one.  We started looking and found that most of them in the store were not real patchwork, but fabric printed to look like it.  I had also heard that the quality of those quilts was some what lacking.  So here comes Supermom.  Of course I thought that I could do better and save a ton of money by doing it myself.  I  knew Granny had a fabric stash that I could raid and so I did.  I bought one fabric and a blanket for the fill.  I spent  forty dollars total.  I won't tell you how many hours I spent cutting, pinning and sewing.  Much to my dismay I ran into a little trouble.  Granny to the rescue!  Sat.  she helped me set it straight and tie it off.  Now I have only to wash and wrap it.  I will give it to him a day early, so he can have it snuggle in after the surgery.

Ran a half marathon last Sunday in Green Bay.  It was a blast.  Went  for the fun and to help the neighbor run her first.  We did not make good time, but all made it the finish.  Lily's cast will come off on Friday and X will see the GI and Speech patholigist on Tuesday.  I am sure I will be bored this week, there simply isn't a thing to do!

Here are a few pics from Easter, May crowning and just to update.  X is now 6 mo. old. 

the 4-1-1

I have been having a very hard time over the last two monthes.  Much has happened and my body is not very happy with me.  Let me see if I can recap quickly to catch you up.

I have a new niece and nephew.  My brother had a little girl Cecelia  and my sister-in-law had a little boy three weeks early named Malachi.  Both are beautiful and healthy.

The X-man is still not gaining weight.  We did blood workand urine samples.  First round came back with low white blood cells.  We freaked out a little.  Repeated the blood work two weeks later and all was normal.  Tomorrow he will see a G.I. specialists to make sure that there is  nothing else we should be doing.  He hates the formula and when we give him cereal with it mixed in he takes it, but it makes him spit up more and he is very gassy.

Lily broke her arm on Holy Saturday.  The cast will come off the 27th. 


Abigail fell and hit her chin on a cement post leaving a lump.  After two months we area going to see a plastic surgeon on June 2nd.  Girls going into to puberty have enough to deal with, they shouldn't have to worry about getting a zit on the tip of a lump on her chin.

The hubby will have surgery on the 20th.  He has a couple of painful lumps on his back that have been bothering him.  Right now we don't know what they are, they will simply remove them and some surrounding tissue to make sure it is all gone. 

My depression went from bad to worse, and just now seems to be leveling out.  I will be racing this weekend in Green Bay.  Just a half, but the training has been key in my depression lifting.

Currently the boys bothhave colds.  Max's seems to be hanging on.  Upside is that he likes to cuddle more and is a bit more mellow.  The X-man is still asleep and I think that perhaps I should go check if he is still breathing.  That should hold you over for a little while.  Life carries on, but they are far from "Super".

tredding water

I find that I am still having a hard time keeping up with all the work that needs to be done around here.  Why is that?   How can I be staying home and still fall so far behind. 

I spent most of yesterday afternoon making fully loaded pretzel rods for my sister-in-laws baby shower.  That would be a pretzel rod dipped in homemade caramel, dark chocolate, m&ms and  drizzled with milk and white chocolate.  My sister helped and found makeing the caramel tedious.  As a matter of fact she burnt the first batch.  However, after tasting how very good it is she was converted and may never eat a plain old caramel agian.

Today I had to go back to the store to get more bags for them.  The ones I bought were too small for our loaded rods.  I am glad that they are done.  The shower is the 19th, but I am also making three kinds of cupcakes for the party.  Perhaps I will use that new buttercreme recipe.  I also need to make a sweater for a gift.  My sister-in-law will be coming into town early so I want to be able to spend some time with her and not have to work the whole visit away.  I think that Supermom will have to kick it in to high gear.  Now only if the baby will let me sleep.          

No progress will be made tomorrow.  We have school - so I will be teaching (with the two youngest in toe), girl's club, ( so I will be staying down by school all day) , and Movie night.  Perhaps I can get a little crocheting done.   May be we will end up at the zoo for the afternoon. 

Now tonight we have to solidify our lenten efforts.  The rice bowl is in place and Max already put the money from his bank into it ( it was very sweet that even at three he wanted to goive more.)  I want to try this forty days, forty bags thing.  I will fill a bag each day and donate it.  I am not sure if we really have that much that I can part with, but I am going to try.  I will be learning how to bake bread, bought the yeast yesterday now what to do with it?  I want to try to give up raising my voice agian.  It helped last year and I think that overall I do it less, so I am hoping that this year it will get better.  I want to eliminate eating out- we don't do it often , but if you count coffee here and a special treat there not just meals it adds up.  The kids will hate this.  I want Movie night to be Saint stories.  We did this last year as well and the kids and the hubby liked it.  I am not sure if we can really plan our meals around the movie though.  As always we have the cross to fill in with stickers on the door.  A physical reminder of the season and the sacrifices we make, as well as how they pale in comparison to the sacrifice he made.  I know that there is more ,  but I think that that is enough for now.  I will keep you posted.

Fury, Flubs, and Frosting

There have been a lot of things going on lately that have caused me to los heart at life.  There was a group of women who ran the race this weekend with their underwear on top of their running tights.There is nothing worse than watching someone's briefs turn into a thong right before your eyes.  Let me say- Not attractive, not cool and utterely discusting.  ( I tried not to look, but I had to make sure I wasn't about to slip on the ice covered course. 

Then there is the Northwestern controversy.  Might I say that this littereally makes me want to go vomit.  The ver thought of taking what God created to mirror the trinity and renew the sacred vows between a husband and wife while being the vessel for God's life giving breath on earth and turning it into a science experiment to be gauked at by a peanut gallery----well, it is just offensive.  I am offended and all humans should be offended.  We are human beings with immortal souls, not lab rats that are being monitored, breed and disposed of for the sake of "learning".  Is nothing sacred any more?

Today started out horribly.  It is the begininng of lent, Ash Wednesday.  We were going to get up and all go to Mass at school to recieve ashes and start this Holy season properly.   Well, we got up and got dressed after a certian five-year-old ranted for 20 minutes about not having the "right" tights.  We all got out the door and I started to pull out.  I asked Abby to hand me something from the diaper bag (I don't even remember what) and she replied, " I don't see it ,  I don't think that it is in here!"  That was the point that I thought that this very well could be the biggest disaster.  It was snowing hard,  roads were not good, I had no cellphone, no diapers, no change of clothes for the baby, no wallet, little less than a quarter tank of gas to drive the 30 min. to school and back.   And worse of all I had no house keys with which to rectify the problem.  I keep a spare key at my parents, but my mother was gone and no one was answering.  I was really upset.  I was not very nice to Abby.  She had tried to be helpful and in our rush she thought I had it and I thought that she had it .  So I prayed.  I prayed that we didn't have a daiper explossion.  I prayed we stayed out of the ditch, I prayed that we didn't run out of gas, and I prayed to calm down.  Half way to school I apologized.

We survived.  I found two spare diapers in the car.  One size 3 and one size 4.  The X-man wears newborn or 1.  But desperate times call for desperate measures.  We only used the size 3.  We made it to Mass, to library time, to my parents to retrieve the spare and home, with a little gas to spare.  Lets just say that all thay stress made it easy to fast this morning.   I am hoping for a much more calm afternoon.  Perhaps I will have to have one of those left over cupcakes.

Last night I made cupcakes for our Fat Tuesday dessert.  I wanted a chocolate buttercream frosting so I went on line to find a recipe.  After about an hour of reading recipes and not likeing what I read I thought how hard can it be to make my own.  You see all those recipes called for cocoa powder or unsweetened chocolate.  Well I had good  70% dark chocolate that I wanted to use.  I did it.  I creamed some butter and powdered sugar, added the melted chocolate and a little milk and whipped until light and fluffy.  It was cholatey creamy and not super sweet.  I think that I pulled a neck muscle trying to lick every last bit out of the bowl.  I made sure to write the recipe down so next time I will be prepared.  And it wasn't all that hard to make.

Quick blog

It's Monday morning and I am trying to catch up on blogging, email, chores and the such.  We spent most of the weekend on the race.  The race felt great by the way!  I ran with two of my sisters while my brother ran ten minutes ahead of us.  My one sister sort of lagged behind, but we had said we would run together so we stopped for her twice and kept her in sight.  We shouted words of encouragement, that she did't really appreciate.  And I tried to remind her of the free beer that awaited at the finish line.

If I had only known that it would take 25 minutes to not get a beer, before frustration kicked in and children who had been so patient needed to be tended to.  Needless to say being "Supermom", I chose to abandon the beer and hit Arby's before going to a girl friends for a playdate and much needed Hot shower. 

That's about all I can say for now, I will return soon with other pearls of wisdom.  P.s. racing  in 30 degree weather was not as bad as I had imagined.  Standing around in  30 degree weather in sweaty wet clothing----Horrifically Cold-  Down to the bone!

Slacker

I know, I have been slacking.  I wish I could say that it has caused me to be a well rested and destressed individual.  But it hasn't.  While I have been slacking from blogging I have been intensely cleaning for a baby shower we hosted for my Sister-in-law yesterday afternoon.  I was also frantically crocheting a sweater as a gift.

I can say that most of my apartment is significantly cleaner than usual.  The floors are awful.  The carpets need to be cleaned and the floor mopped.  I also hav a fridge fullof fresh fruit and vegetables left over.  This is a great bonus to start a new week.  It also comes in handy when my three year old proclaims he is hungry every five minutes. 

I have two more baby showers to go in the next couple of weeks.  This weekend my hubby's cousin's shower.  I will not be attending, Iam racing a five miler on Saturday out of town.  I am hoping to finish a gift and just send it with my mother-in-law.  (this also means that I have to start the gift).  My Sister-in-law ( on the other side) has a shower on the 19th.  I will also have to make something for that.  This shower I am basically planning, so there is a lot more than a gift needed here. 

The microminis all seem to be getting sick.  Almost all of us have some combination of sore throat, cough, achiness, fever, head ache.   Hopefully all will be better for the race this weekend. 

There has been a lot more going on, but I don't want to eight this post down too much.  I want to finish with this though that has occured a few times lately and provided me with an overwhelming sense of joy.  I went into the grocery store last weekend and I just had the X-man (baby).  He was in his carseat with the cover pulled over.  It was snowing and blowing, so I wanted him to stay warm.   An elderely gentleman walked over and asked if there was a baby in there.  I pulled back the cover so he could see, and the X-man smiled at the gentleman.  The man asked the usual; what's his name, how old and smiled back at the baby.  Two days before there had been another gentlemen at a store who had done the same thing.  As a matter of fact, people in general do this quite often.  Most of the time they are surprised to hear that X-man is three monthes and not three weeks, since he is so small.  Everyone smiles at him, no matter how busy or grumpy they seemed to be.  They pause to check out the baby.  I don't tire of answering the same questions, I feel honored to have been the vessel that brought this little ray of light into the world that leaves sparks of joy in all those who see him.  This is the beauty of a baby.  We all can do it all the time, but let's face it we are not as cute as the baby,or as easy to approach.  I have been completely struck by the number who come to the baby looking to catch a glimpse of the light he bears.  More people come looking than have in the past with my other children.  I think that has something to do with how few people are having babies now.  This is sad.  Yet we all are looking for a little bundle of light to spread the joy in the world through Christ.  Any way the gentleman at the grocery store simply said, " Welcome little man, welcome" and went about his shopping with a smile on his face.

Snow Day

That is putting it mildly.  We received about 16 inches of snow last night.  This includes drifts that are about four feet high.  I certainly did not want to get up at  5:30 and help shovel my hubby's car out so that he could go to work, but I did.  This must than help me to look a little more angelic?  Well atleast a little more sleep deprived. 

I would just like to say that I did not want him to go.  The roads were awful and plows were even getting stuck.  This is just how determined and good a worker my hubby is.  I do love that when he uses it for the right things.  I am not sure that this morning was a proper use of it.  I think perhaps it was bordering on suicidal, and stupid.  But I love him anyway. 

The children were outside three times to help me retain a little sanity.  It was a little difficult for them at first to figure out how to play in snow that was deeper than they were tall.  They finally decided to burrow tunnels around the apartment.  Of course there was sledding this afternoon and Max is completely comatose on the couch.  This means he may not sleep tonight, but for now he is quiet. 

Lily lost her second tooth!  I hope that the tooth fairy is listening. 

And I made the "best ever brownies", that is what the magazine article said.  I will let you know tomorrow.  I feel a little depression setting in so I fear I may need to eat them all!

Some Pics. to update

 I have finally downloaded the camera.  Good things come to those who wait.  I even managed to put together the calendar that I had promised Granny for Christmas.  The good news was that I can change the beginning month to Feb.  and have the calendar run through next Feb.  I love that.  So here are a few of my favorite pics from the last couple months.

This is Christmas morning. since we don't have a lot of space we get a small tree(yes it is real) and place on top of the kids play table.  I won't tell you how many shots we had to take in order to get all the children looking acceptable.  I love the way the boys are looking at each other.

 This is the day after Christmas and Xavier's baptism,  The Feast of the Holy family. Lets just say the family in the picture only has one pure soul with them.  The rest of us are struggling to be holy.  At least we are in church and all dressed nice.

 This is Xavier and my brother Tom, the marine home on leave.
They don't look like they are related, do they ?

                         I just like the boys behaving nicely.  They are cute and color coordinated. 

 This is what the boys do best.  And they are bound to be nice and warm all snuggled together.

 Xavier at two months.  I have a friend who takes beautiful pictures.  These are not hers.  Mine never are as beautiful no matter how hard I try.  How do you get the pictures to even do justice to the beauty of God's creation before you?   Xavier is still cute though.  And I will keep trying.

He has learned to smile.  I can even get him to giggle a little.  Nothing makes a mothers heart melt more than to see how her babies eyes light up and the smile creep up when her baby see her.

I am sorry that it doesn't happen as quickly for Daddy.  Well lets face it mom puts in a lot more hours with baby.  And loses a lot of sleep.  We need those early smiles to keep us going.

These are just some gentle reminders of the beautiful family I have been blessed with. 

Sleep?

Okay so every new mom knows that they are going to lose sleep and if they don't know that then they have experienced some small miracle.  I have been fortunate enough that about three weeks ago my baby started to sleep through the night.  In the last week and a half since I have changed my diet that has stopped.  Last night was particularly bad.

We went to bed about 9:30 and I knew that he would be wanting to eat soon.  Just as we were about to doze off, I heard him.  My hubby thought that I was crazy.  He said he didn't hear a thing ( I believe this has something to do with man's uncanny talent known as selective hearing).   I was correct though.  We nursed, burped and changed the diaper ( by we I mean me).  Then for the next two hours he fussed.  I didn't want to rock him to sleep or let him sleep with us.  I want him to work on self soothing.  So instead I would give him his nuk and rock the bassinet until he quieted then stop in hopes that he would proceed to fall asleep on his own.  He would cry and I would let him for a little while, then we would do it all over agian. Nuk, rock, quiet, cry , nuk, rock quiet, cry and so on.  Each time the quiet time would get a little longer.  Each time I would let him fuss a little more.  Eventually at about 12 he fell asleep. 

I wish that I could say that that was the end of our late night meeting.  We started the whole process over again at 2 and then at 4:30 and agian at 5:30.  Of course, just as I am placing him back in his bassinet at about 6 and he quietly falls to sleep on his own, Max comes in and asks if he can get dressed.  The girls have to get up anyway and be out the door by 6:45, so who am I to tell him no? 

I do believe that because my diet is causing him to spit-up so much and be gassy that he is getting hungry faster.  He also is not nursing as well.  He nurses for a short amount of time and then plays to sooth himself.  It really is a viscous cycle that I really could live with out.  I have not slept much in the last week and find that I need to resort to coffee to get me through the day. 

So , hot coffee cup in hand I sit and type my tale of woe.  I know that other mom are not as lucky as me to have had a few weeks of blissful sleep.  I know that in a way I am blessed to have to wake so often to care for this beautiful baby.  I know that many women wish that they could know what it feels like, but have not been able to be blessed as I have.  For that I am thankful.  And Thank God for the creation of COFFEE to wake me up enough to be able to be Supermom both day and night.

The Hubby

So I mentioned in an early blog that we got a new scale.  This prompted my hubby to get on it.  Lets just say that he weighted a little more than he had thought.  It seems to be a common problem around here.  Well, except for Xavier, who can't seem to gain huge amounts (that may have something to do with all his spitting up).  I well , I sort of had a little melt down about his weight and how I wanted him to be around, his family's bad health history and how it would make him feel better.  I said a lot more than that, but that is just a few of the reasons.  I told him he needed to come up with a plan.  And there were going to be no excuses.

Here's the plan.  He is going to cut back on what he eats.  He will no longer drink soda and will not purchase additional food past the lunch that he packed.  He has a goal to work out an hour a day six days a week.  Three or four cardio sessions and two weight and strength training.  I am praying that he sticks to this. 

I am making sure that when he gets home he is working out.  This week he is just trying to do thirty minutes, but that is a hard sacrifice since I have the children all day and look forward to him coming home and a possible break.   This overall will make him a better father and husband.  And once he reaches his goal we will be able to be a fit family together.  You may need to remind me of this later.  He figures that it will take him eight months to reach his goal.  I can't wait!  I will keep you posted.  When he weight himself yesterday he already lost six pounds in five days. 

I am doing all within my power to loose the excess weight.  It is driving me crazy.  Our scale broke shortly after the baby was born and last week we finally replaced it.  Then I got on it.  Here is where it all went wrong.  I have an extra 8 lbs that should not be there. 

You all know how I like to be in control.  And I certainly can not afford to buy new cloths.  So I started a detox diet.  I will be honest, I have only been doing for two out of three meals a day.  I figure that way it is not so drastic.  Xavier hates it.   He has become a very spit-uppy sort of guy. And not sleeping so well.  I can only guess that it has something to do with all the leafy greens. 

On top of the diet, I am trying to work out for atkeast an hour a day.  This is difficult and offen involves several sessions of shorter amounts.  I feel that running is my best release, but it has been very cold and that makes it all the more difficult to get out.  I wish there was some kind of magical prayer that would cause the weight to just melt off. 

Determination

I have decided that a huge part of depression is your own mind set.  don't get me wrong, I know that there is a physical, uncontrollable side of the disease.  But I do think that when it starts to take hold of you, you can either let it pull you down and feel hopeless, or you can get back up and do everything with in your power to overcome it. 

I am choosing to do the later.  So I choose to exercise more, eat healthier, and schedule outings with friends.  I want to keep myself busy ( like cleaning out a closet or rearranging the furniture) so that I don't dwell on the bad.  Some people call it nesting, I like to refer to it as therapy.  It is way cheaper than the drugs and no bad side effects.

So today I had my first meeting with a new Home Advantage group.  It is comprised of women who want to learn how to make their homes run better.  I don't know any of these women, so making new friends is always a good thing.  And getting out of the house is also good.  It also gave Max a play date with other boys his own age.  He didn't want to leave. 

Sometimes you just have to surrender to the life you lead and kick the bad feelings in the rump.  Send them packing and pull yourself back-up.

Down I go

I am just goint to comment on how I feel like doing nothing.  I don't really feel like blogging.  I know depression when I feel it and I am not very good at hiding it, so why bother.  It hit last night at about 7:30 and I felt my mind pulling away from my body.  I warned my hubby, although I am not sure how seriously he took  me.  The thought about all that has to be done today is not very uplifting,  And the snow mounds outside and impending cold snap even less so.  Perhaps late!

Rambling

As of late I have had so many things going through my mind that I really don't know what to write about first.  It is very hard to quiet the thoughts when they come as quickly as they have been.

We had our first CCD class since Christmas last night.  We talked about prayer as adoration and awe.  When I was prepping.  Yes, I did do a little prep., even though it was only an hour before class and about twenty minutes long.  I realized that this is probably one of the least common types of prayer.  All to often we are asking for something and or thanking for something.  We talked about how you have to love someone for who they are and not just what they do( that would be using them).

The first thing I thought about was children's prayers.  They are so simple and sweet.  They also are straight forward and have no hidden agenda.  I pulled a book of Celtic Children's prayers off the shelf and found one of my favorites by St. Patrick.  It was a perfect example of just adoring our Lord.

We went on to talk about silence.  This was very difficult for them.  The tech savy world  has provided us with every avenue imaginable to be inundated with technology and be connected at all times.  We simply don't know how to be silent.  This was made evident when I asked them to be silent for two minutes.   It is also evident when one stops to consider when if at all they have silence each day.

As a mother of now four I can attest that there is no silence.  I have even threatened to change my name from "Mom", in an effort to find some moments of peace.  Right now I am even typing with an infant bouncing on my lap.  What a mother won't do to get things done.  Well I believe that is enough rambling for now and perhaps I have given you enough to think over.  I would like to think that my class is thinking it all over, but I won't flatter myself.

Update

Greetings from far of New baby Land.  I know, I know .  It has been a long time and I was very rude not to update you all in a proper, timely manner.  But let me justify my rudness by simply telling you all that has happened.  I will start with the birth ( hang in there this entire blog may get a little long).

We did go to the Dells with hubby's work.  We left on Thursday Nov. 11th ( I was due the 16th).  The resort was great,  The room was amazing.  Way more room than two people needed.  We each had our oen bathroom.  This proved helpful since I used it every five minutes.  We were in the waterpark a little.  I couldn't do any of the rides.  We were a little afraid that we would have to make a middle of the night, mad dash for the hospital two hours away.  The food was well worth the drive.  I slept horribly and awoke with contractions on a regular basis.  They didn't progress so we tried to relax.  On Saturday the 13th we were to return home.  I got up at about 6 with a little spotting and contractions about 25 minutes apart.  I woke the hubby up and suggested we starting loading the car and head home.  We had breakfast and got home about noon.  We unpacked and picked up the kids from Nana's, where they had been staying.  We got some ice cream and went to 5:00 mass , returned home and made a pizza for dinner. At about 8 I went to lie down.  I got these shooting pains doen my legs.  Thery were rapid and short lasting but one on top of the other.  They didn't feel like contractions.  I got back out of bed and was in tears and shaking.  The Hubby called the hospital.  They said it didn't sound like labor but I could come in and be checked.  So Grandma got the kids and we went in.  When we arrived contracions were about five minutes apart and lasting 40 seconds.  They checked and I was already at 6.  Thank God!  I didn't really want to be sent home.  I was admitted at 8:40 amd Xavier Damien came into the world officially at 11:06 p.m.  When people ask how was labor,  I say "fast and furrious".  Xavire wieghted 6lbs.14oz. 201/2 inches long.  Unfortunately the only pic I have on the computer is the family photo when he was three weeks old.  My hubby's camera we decided is not that great and all the pictures are fuzzy.  Perhaps we had the wrong setting.

We spent the next two weeks in and out of the doctors office.  Xavier was not gaining wieght.  I had to feed him every two hours and pump besides.  It was not fun.  He was down to 6lbs. and dehydrated.  They were even talking about admitting him back to the hospital.  Finally, at three weeks he was back to birth wieght and holding his own.  I am now nursing him normally, but he is by no means, "chunking out".

I wieghted him at my six week appointment last week and he was  8lbs.  (Our scale at home is broken.)  I am just happy we are moving in the right direction. 

Now as far as everything else.  We had the Hubby's birthday, Thanksgiving, Max's birthday, Christmas caroling, Christmas parties,  Christmas programs, my brother Tom's wedding, Christmas and Xavier's Baptism.  Not to mention all that goes with those things.  By some miracle I still managed to make 14 kinds of cookies, truffles, fudge and homemade peanut butter cups. 

And I thought that when I had the baby I would be able to slow down a little.  Perhaps that should be my New Year's resolution.  Here is to a slower, more mellow year!  God Bless.  I will blog sooner next time.