I sat in Mass on Sunday listening to the priest talk about forgiveness. You all know the story of the servant who is forgiven and in turn does not forgive. The Father than says you should forgive 70 x 7. There was a gentleman sitting in front of us that had long hair pulled back in a pony tail. It reminded me of a boy I dated in highschool. I began to wonder what would my life have been like if I had married him. I would have not been there in church, next to four beautiful children and a my husband. This other man was not religious at all. By the end of Mass I was quite thankful for life being the way it is. I am certain my soul would have been lost with the other.
That is where my day started and somehow by the end of the day I was not even close to that moment. I found myself lost, in need of forgivness and in need of forgiving, but all to angry and hurt to do any of it. The hubby and I had a sort of "falling out". I will not go into details. I will simply say that if we had been dating I would never go out with him agian. If we were married without any children I would have packed my bags and left. Yes, it was that bad! Because we have kiddos, I am tolerating him. We speak politly around the children ,otherwise not at all. And he has been keeping the couch warm at night. I am still lost. I don't know what to say and he isn't trying to say anything. What does that mean?
I want to say I wish I could go back, but I don't. That other man would have killed my faith, moved me from my family and maybe given me no children at all. I love my husband. The one I married. I am not so sure that the one I am living with is the same one.
On a lighter note. It is very liberating to walk the children a block to meet Nana to ride to school in my pjs, since there simply isn't time to dress everyone else and myself. What do those other people who pass by on their way to work think of that poor lady with all those kids, standing on the corner? Perhaps some of them are jealous they are rushing and we are together talking about the day to come. Should I add a cape to my pjs?
That is where my day started and somehow by the end of the day I was not even close to that moment. I found myself lost, in need of forgivness and in need of forgiving, but all to angry and hurt to do any of it. The hubby and I had a sort of "falling out". I will not go into details. I will simply say that if we had been dating I would never go out with him agian. If we were married without any children I would have packed my bags and left. Yes, it was that bad! Because we have kiddos, I am tolerating him. We speak politly around the children ,otherwise not at all. And he has been keeping the couch warm at night. I am still lost. I don't know what to say and he isn't trying to say anything. What does that mean?
I want to say I wish I could go back, but I don't. That other man would have killed my faith, moved me from my family and maybe given me no children at all. I love my husband. The one I married. I am not so sure that the one I am living with is the same one.
On a lighter note. It is very liberating to walk the children a block to meet Nana to ride to school in my pjs, since there simply isn't time to dress everyone else and myself. What do those other people who pass by on their way to work think of that poor lady with all those kids, standing on the corner? Perhaps some of them are jealous they are rushing and we are together talking about the day to come. Should I add a cape to my pjs?
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment